Monday, May 14, 2012

Catching Up

I have about three posts saved as drafts since the last time I posted, but I'm still not ready to finish them. Sorry! Busy, busy, busy! I just had to post today because I was looking at my Mother's Day gifts and I was feeling so thankful. My kids all made heartfelt gifts for me and they just mean so much. How nice that they think so highly of me that they want to create beautiful things by their own hands for me to cherish. I am so blessed. Also, my husband (who I told not to get me anything) got me a beautiful new outfit that I was able to wear to church yesterday and the card he picked out was so sweet. I remember when we were dating and he always seemed to feel a little awkward about giving me cards because he wasn't very good at expressing his emotions so he would get so embarrassed when I would start to well up and want to hug & kiss him. Now, he writes beautiful messages full of emotion and I always know they are straight from his heart.
Even though I had a great Mother's Day, right before I went to bed, I was feeling so low. I was asking God how I could possibly change who I am. How can I go from seeming to always make the wrong choices to making smart choices and having an organized, fulfilled life. I just wanted to go back and rewind my life so I could fix things. I know it is impossible, but I just couldn't see my way past... well, my past. As I was talking with God and asking how I could possibly change, He brought this verse to my mind, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." (Phil 4:13 NKJV) My initial reaction was, "I know, but this is so hard!" Of course I was just whining, so He repeated it, "I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me!" I got it that time. All things means ALL THINGS! No matter how big your problems seem, even when you feel like you are drowning, you CAN pick yourself up and try again. You may be behind on your bills, behind in school, behind in work, suffering from a broken heart, estranged from your family - whatever the case may be, you CAN go on. Of course it feels like there's no escaping from your problems, and maybe their isn't, but even if you cannot escape, you CAN find your way through, wade through, muddle through, whatever you have to do, just remember with the Lord on your side, nothing is impossible! NOTHING.
So, I may feel a little lost right now because I am not living my life exactly how I planned it, but I WILL still make it. I'm not going to ask God to let me rewind my life because I need to live with choices I made. What I am doing from now on is taking one step at a time and seeking God first, but even if when I make the next not-so-good choice, I will still hold on to His hand and not let go. I know He will always pull me through the darkest depths.
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