Living On the Outskirts of Normal

Have you ever felt you were not meant for the seemingly prescribed standard of life? Do you feel like you are constantly searching for your place, but never quite fitting in anywhere? What do you do when you've come to the point where you realize that everything you have tried has not been quite right for you?
I am at that place in this moment. I am confused about my calling. I have gone from place to place, jumped off of one career path onto another - many times, tried exploring many different college majors and still feel as though I'm back at Career Day in fifth grade. I know there is a purpose for my life, but what in the world is it? Some have asked me if I have been seeking God about this and I feel as though I have, over and over again. I have felt as though I had a clear message on what I was supposed to do/be, but I either misunderstood, or my everyday life got in the way and jumbled my thoughts, my plans, my aspirations until I seemed to spin around in a whirlpool just to get placed right back where I started.
Is this some sort of mid-life crisis? I don't even feel like I'm in "mid-life" right now - I feel as though I'm still hanging onto the first third of my life.
I recently watched the movie "Eat, Pray, Love." I had read the book a few years ago, but I was not in the current crisis that I am now experiencing - I enjoyed it, but I definitely separated it from my life. I completely related to the main character. (Other than the part where she's getting a divorce :-) ) I related to her on the level of feeling so lost within her current life and not knowing what to do, but searching and searching for her purpose. How brave of her to just live and see where life takes her. The story also highlights how much unnecessary value we place on material possessions.

What am I really trying to do with my college degree? I have to ask and answer this question honestly. Is my determination to get a degree born out of some imagined necessity of upward mobility? Or, is it a way to make up where I failed many years ago when I dropped out of college the first time? I have told people that I did not forgive myself for dropping out (more than a decade ago) until January of this year when I started again as a full-time student and was actually doing well. Now that I am being honest with myself I really must wonder if I did truly forgive myself. If I dropped out of school right now, would I still look back on my failed stint at Miami University so long ago and honestly still declare myself forgiven? The answer, sadly, is no.
God's forgiveness is not like ours - thankfully. Once He forgives us, our sins are as far as the east is from the west (Ps 103:12). I have been judgmental, or biased, or something. I have had the mindset that if I had a degree from a respected 4 year university, I would be more respected. I suppose that is true in some ways, but how important are other peoples' opinions of me? What is important is my opinion of myself. I am more than any title/degree that I may or may not hold. I have a place in this universe, I have a purpose. I will stop looking at myself contained within this narrow cube that "society" wants to put me in and start looking "outside the box" to what my existence means on a much larger scale.
More to come soon...

Finding a Purpose and Accomplishing Goals

I started a post yesterday, but somehow did not finish it. I did however accomplish things today and yesterday that I had set out to do. First of all, today, I have achieved my daily income goal. Due to the fact that I have to rely on multiple streams of income and, unlike at my previous jobs, I do not get paid for downtime, :-( I figured the best way to make sure I am bringing in steady income is to decide on a specific dollar amount I need to make each day. Unfortunately, after deciding on that amount, I realized that I haven't been consistent in making that much money each day since I've been home. The only thing to do now is move forward and reach higher.

This has nothing to do with the blog post, just some flowers my husband got for me one time (just because!) I'm re-gifting them to myself LOL

The other goal I accomplished is that I have consistently working on improving my house - focusing on a certain area and working on it each day until it looks the way I want it. Sometimes it's hard, for instance, when I have done the basics, kitchen, bathroom, floors all look decent, I don't feel like going around and finding something else that needs to be done - I already feel like my entire life is a juggling act! I really am learning, though, because I find the more I accomplish what I set out to do, the easier it is to look toward the next thing, instead of feeling as though a huge scroll is chained to my feet.
I'm tired so this doesn't contain as much substance as I would have liked.
Goals for tomorrow:
Write blog earlier in the day, not right before bed
Be patient with the kids
Figure out what's for dinner
More de-cluttering

Dinner tonight was Baked Spaghetti. My version: I used 1 lb of ground beef; 3/4 jar of Ragu Old World Style Six Cheese sauce + 1/2 jar Kroger mushroom sauce - I should have just used both full jars; I also didn't measure the cheese, I just covered the top with shredded Colby & mozzarella, then sprinkled a nice amount of Parmesan all over it. Rating from the family: **** (out of 5) My husband said pepperoni would have made it better, but he and my daughter are the pickiest ones and both of them really liked it. :-) Weird thing about my youngest - he didn't really like the cheese so I ate his cheese. (He also doesn't like the cream in Oatmeal Cream Pies! :-O He's just different LOL) I also made homemade garlic bread using regular wheat bread, spread with margarine (or butter), garlic powder, a little mozzarella and a sprinkle of parsley :-) I threw it on a cookie sheet & put it in for the last 5-7 minutes of the spaghetti.

Oh, I almost forgot! I think I will have a targeted purpose for this blog. Obviously, I like to give my opinion, mainly because I believe my experiences will help someone else. I was thinking of using this blog to give advice. People can send me questions, or leave them in the comments and I will give my advice. Please comment and let me know what you think. Also, if you enjoy reading, don't forget to follow me.

Recommended Site: The Flylady - I love her! Even though I've found it difficult to follow ALL of her principles, she has still helped me to stick to my goals for my house. You can get anything done if you work on it for just 15 minutes a day!