I May Be Criticized For This, But...

I have an issue with a recent CNN story I read about the parents of a first grader filing a complaint (I don't think it's a lawsuit yet) against a school district alleging gender discrimination.

The article talks about a child who was born with male body parts, but as a toddler started identifying as a female. The parents decided they wanted the child to be happy so they let the child continue to identify as a female. The picture of the child with the article shows what appears to be a little girl with purple hair and wearing a dress. The complaint is based on the fact that the child was previously able to do everything in school as a girl, but recently the parents were told that the child can no longer use the girls restroom. Quote from the parents, "We were very confused because everything was going so well, and they had been so accepting, and all of a sudden it changed and it was very confusing and very upsetting because we knew that, by doing that, she was going to go back to being unhappy" 

I have many thoughts/opinions/possibly judgments (I have to tell you the truth) about this situation - mostly about the parents. First of all, I would not be comfortable with my first grade daughter walking in the girls restroom and accidentally seeing the private parts of a boy. I believe this is a big part of the issue the school is probably dealing with. It's one thing if you have siblings of the opposite sex and you happen to see them naked - it's another thing when it comes to strangers - whether you're a child or an adult. I actually went back and watched the video and felt kind of bad for the parents (because my initial question was if part of the problem was them over-indulging their child - but again, I was being judgmental), but I especially felt bad for the child who was there and had to hear all of this! If your child was depressed at the age of three, wouldn't it make sense to shelter them from situations where they may feel as though an entire school district hates them? Why should this child (and apparently the couple's other kids) be there during the press conference? Reporters always ask crazy questions. This is just exposure to another emotional roller-coaster. 

The last thing I'm going to say about the whole issue is this: I was born black. If I had decided when I was a toddler that I was white, should I have been able to be treated as a white person the rest of my life? Come on, we all know the truth, yes, everyone is supposed to be treated equally, regardless of race, but everyone is not treated equally. I can make a phone call right now to anyone in corporate America and they will have no idea that I am black, but the moment I meet them in person, I will see the flash of surprise/shock cross their face. My point is, being black is a biological fact for me. I can't do any manner of bleaching my skin, straightening my hair, or changing my accent, that will make me white, Asian, or anything else - someone (actually, most people) will see me for who I am. What if my parents had decided to let me identify as a white person? Would I have a better life now? Heck No! I would be all the way confused and jacked up! My life would be absolutely miserable because I would never understand why everybody else does not see me the way I want them to see me. 

I realize these issues are slightly different, but are they really? I'm confused and frustrated. Guess what? This world isn't fair and no matter what we do, it never will be. This is earth, not heaven. Every person in this world looks at someone, or something and wishes their life could be different in some way, but it doesn't work like that.

Please share your opinions with me because I am struggling with my feelings about this issue. I don't want to be "unloving" or hateful, but I truly would like to understand this better. 

I'm just being honest

I have hesitated to post because I just feel like complaining.
I realize that I am immensely blessed, but the complaining is not so much about what I don't have, it's more about what I do, or don't do.
I certainly understand now why my parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and pretty much any person older than me at the time told me to go straight to college, finish college, then worry about the rest of my life after that. Everybody but me seemed to know what I would end up doing. It's almost as if they were looking at a window above my head that showed a view of my future. Here I am, up past 2:00 a.m., not studying, married with 4 kids, trying to fit everything into my life like it's a 20 year-old pair of (cheap) jeans - bursting at the seams, with holes starting to wear through in unflattering places.
I just want to get something over with. I want to know what my life is supposed to look like.

11For I know the thoughts and plans that I have for you, says the Lord, thoughts and plans for welfare and peace and not for evil, to give you hope in your final outcome. Jer. 29:11

Watch Out Boys!

Yesterday was Valentine's Day. My 6 year-old daughter woke up so excited - almost like Christmas  - when I was about to do "This Little Piggy" with her toes, she said, "Do 'this little piggy's daddy is coming to her school!'"
My husband started this tradition with our oldest daughter when she was in kindergarten (maybe even daycare) where he would go to her school in the middle of the day and bring her a ridiculous amount of gifts: roses, tons of candy, stuffed animals, balloons, and whatever else he could think of. (I would say "whatever else he could think of that she could reasonably carry home on the bus," but I think he's forgotten about the bus some years LOL) Me, being the penny-pincher, have always felt he went a bit overboard and when we were expecting our youngest daughter, I warned him that he was going to have to keep up, but that didn't worry him. Eventually, I washed my hands of it and let him do what he does because they love it so much.
Obviously, it's nice to show our kids love and give them nice things for Val-day, but my husband wants to do more than that. His whole motivation is that his girls get so used to getting flowers and nice things for Val-day that, once they get older, they don't just accept any old thing that some little boy decides to get them - these little boys must come correct! LOL Also, it's not just about material things, but about the thought they put into it. My girls are not going to be blown away the first time some guy gives them flowers because they've had that before.

"Too much of a good thing is wonderful."

A prime example: Black Ink. (First let me tell you, I REALLY try not to get into these foolish so-called "reality" shows, but if they happen to be on TV, I'm almost like a moth to a flame - except for those extra-foolish ones like Bad Girls Club that serve no purpose other than attempting to turn men on by displaying ridiculous cat-fights and drunkenness - but that's just my opinion.) Anyway, I happened to get engrossed into an episode of Black Ink Crew - the show about the black-owned tattoo shop in Harlem. I normally wouldn't even watch this show because I don't care anything about tattoos, but the people are interesting. So, one of the artists is getting involved with the owner of the shop and he gives her flowers on their first official date and she gets all teary-eyed and says no guy has ever done something like that for her before. Huh??!!
Now, let me say a few things:
1. How old is she and is this the first guy she's ever dated? (I'm guessing not, b/c after the date she mentions to him what she wants to do and it doesn't seem first-time-ish to me)
2. Come on guys! Flowers? That's too much to ask nowadays? I realize that there are plenty of women who say they don't like and/or care about flowers, but there's nothing wrong with spending a little money to get a woman you care about something beautiful.
3. I've made mistakes, and definitely dated some losers, but I've always known that a guy who doesn't do little things (like flowers, chocolates, or even writing love letters) isn't worth being with and definitely not worth ME giving ANYTHING to him - time to move on.
4. I am thankful that I'll never have to worry about this from my girls. Their dad has set the standard high AND they have seen him demonstrate these things with me on Val-day - I always get a little bit more than they get and I also get flowers and other gifts on non-occasions, just because he wanted to brighten my day. :-) So chivalry ain't dead!
I guess my message is both to dads and women. Dads - if you want your daughters to end up with men who are better than you, or at least as good as you, set the standards high early on. Make sure they see that the man in their life is supposed to make them feel special and valuable, and even make sure that other people (i.e. their friends at school) see this. You don't have to go overboard (like my husband does at times :-) ), but make sure they feel your presence and your love. That makes it more likely that they won't settle for some user/loser.
Women - just because a guy gives you flowers, doesn't mean you have to return the favor (hopefully you get my drift, I try to keep this blog PG).

Tulips - one of my favs!

There ARE men out there who will make you feel special and loved, but sometimes that calls for waiting patiently. You can do it! In the end, you will be glad you decided you weren't going to settle for just anybody. Also, a man who gives you lots of expensive stuff is not necessarily the one either. I've gotten expensive gifts from guys only to find out that he spent more money on his main girlfriend! I like the saying, "Not gonna be the same fool twice!" I did it once for ya'll, now don't make it twice! ;-)
I'm now thankful that my husband goes a little overboard for Val-day and I accept it with open arms - especially while I'm eating chocolate! LOL

Okay, I'm going to need to hit "Restart"

Since this blog has "honest" in the title, I must be honest with you - I failed my smoothie fast. :-( I did really well the first 2 days, but I forgot that my husband had long ago planned a dinner date for us on Saturday (the 2nd day of the fast). First let me say, if FedEx had not messed up and lost my first(!) blender, I would have been done with the fast by Saturday so they get all the blame! Just kidding :-)
Anyway, I will give you some details about the second day because I already knew it would be the worst after watching "Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead." I was actually okay when I woke up, just a little hungry. It wasn't until I had to drop my son off for his ACT at 8:00 a.m. and attempt to study, that I started feeling a little weak. At that point, I went ahead and made a smoothie, which I posted about in my last entry. Yes, it was awesome, just like I said, but I don't know if it was a combination of all the excitement, having to run errands and attempt to study, but I crashed majorly about 2 hours after my smoothie. At that point I was angry with my kids for needing transportation, I was angry with myself for being in school, I was angry with my professors for assigning assignments, and I was angry with my husband for wanting to go on a date with me!
Later that evening, once I overindulged with appetizers, soup, italian food, and chocolate mousse cake, I was Nice Natalie again. Unfortunately, I knew in my heart that I would be eating regular food the next day. I had utterly failed.
Yesterday, I did make a half-hearted attempt at a breakfast smoothie, but with only half a banana, and no love inserted into the recipe, it fell flat. My son came home from school to catch me with peanut butter on my fingers and an empty cereal bowl in front of me - he later posted on my facebook, "YOU HAVE FAILED!! try again tomorrow!" Thank you son, thank you for your encouragement...
So, since I can't go to class with a smoothie migraine, I will definitely try this fast again, but not until Thursday or Friday. I will let you know how it goes. :-)

SMOOTHIES!!!!

I haven't updated in a while because I've had too many things I want to talk about, but not enough time to figure out what to tackle first! LOL However, today, I could no longer stay silent while I was sipping on this:

I know, it doesn't look like it is so special, but this thing made my day! I haven't even had any coffee today and I'm still happy and awake!

So, let me tell you about my "green" smoothie (or "thickie"). Here is what it looked like before I blended it up:

Ingredients listed from the bottom up (I really didn't measure anything, I just eye-balled it:

4-6 oz. water

2 pitted dates (no sugar added)

1/2 banana

2 small-med. cored apples (I used 1 red delicious & 1 golden delicious)

1 kiwi

1/2-3/4 cup frozen berries (mine had blueberries, blackberries, strawberries, & raspberries

1-1.5 cups fresh spinach

1/2 cup spring salad greens

1/2-3/4 cup crushed ice

1/4 cup coconut (I accidentally got the bag from the baking aisle that was sweetened and since I'm trying to avoid extra sugar, I just rinsed it before adding it)

To make it a thickie: 1/2-3/4 cup oatmeal

What set it all off: a pinch of grated fresh ginger root 

O.M.G.!!!

Okay, I realize that I am super-extra excited about drinking a bunch of blended fruit, spinach and oatmeal, but when you're dreading a self-prescribed days-long fast of consuming only these things, it's refreshing to find something that makes you say "Mmmmmm!" :-) Today's smoothie did that for me. 

Yesterday was my first day and I also did 2 batches of smoothies. The first one was excellent, but I put half an orange in it and did not realize until I was drinking the rest of the pitcher for lunch, that if you make a smoothie with citrus fruit, DO NOT LET IT SIT FOR 30 MINUTES OR MORE!! I had poured what was left from the pitcher into a glass and refrigerated it, thinking I would come back later to enjoy the great tastes I had created before, but it was SO BITTER! You know how when you were a kid and you knew you shouldn't eat the orange peel because everyone had told you not to? Did you try to taste it just one time anyway? I mean, it's such a beautiful color and it tears easily, so you know you can bite it. Well, if you're one of those kids who tried it, you know what my leftover-from-breakfast lunch smoothie tasted like.  :-/ Oh well, lesson learned. I still tried to doctor it up and I did finish it b/c I didn't want to waste all of that stuff. I will definitely put oranges and/or lemons/lemon juice in my smoothies in the future, but I will only do it if I'm making a small batch, or if I have enough people to share it with. :-) 

Well, that's my two cents added to the green smoothie movement. I will definitely add more info, because I think this is something everyone should try. I'm looking forward to having more energy, fitting back into my jeans :-), and developing a greater appreciation for fresh fruits and veggies.

Cheers!

Living On the Outskirts of Normal

Have you ever felt you were not meant for the seemingly prescribed standard of life? Do you feel like you are constantly searching for your place, but never quite fitting in anywhere? What do you do when you've come to the point where you realize that everything you have tried has not been quite right for you?
I am at that place in this moment. I am confused about my calling. I have gone from place to place, jumped off of one career path onto another - many times, tried exploring many different college majors and still feel as though I'm back at Career Day in fifth grade. I know there is a purpose for my life, but what in the world is it? Some have asked me if I have been seeking God about this and I feel as though I have, over and over again. I have felt as though I had a clear message on what I was supposed to do/be, but I either misunderstood, or my everyday life got in the way and jumbled my thoughts, my plans, my aspirations until I seemed to spin around in a whirlpool just to get placed right back where I started.
Is this some sort of mid-life crisis? I don't even feel like I'm in "mid-life" right now - I feel as though I'm still hanging onto the first third of my life.
I recently watched the movie "Eat, Pray, Love." I had read the book a few years ago, but I was not in the current crisis that I am now experiencing - I enjoyed it, but I definitely separated it from my life. I completely related to the main character. (Other than the part where she's getting a divorce :-) ) I related to her on the level of feeling so lost within her current life and not knowing what to do, but searching and searching for her purpose. How brave of her to just live and see where life takes her. The story also highlights how much unnecessary value we place on material possessions.

What am I really trying to do with my college degree? I have to ask and answer this question honestly. Is my determination to get a degree born out of some imagined necessity of upward mobility? Or, is it a way to make up where I failed many years ago when I dropped out of college the first time? I have told people that I did not forgive myself for dropping out (more than a decade ago) until January of this year when I started again as a full-time student and was actually doing well. Now that I am being honest with myself I really must wonder if I did truly forgive myself. If I dropped out of school right now, would I still look back on my failed stint at Miami University so long ago and honestly still declare myself forgiven? The answer, sadly, is no.
God's forgiveness is not like ours - thankfully. Once He forgives us, our sins are as far as the east is from the west (Ps 103:12). I have been judgmental, or biased, or something. I have had the mindset that if I had a degree from a respected 4 year university, I would be more respected. I suppose that is true in some ways, but how important are other peoples' opinions of me? What is important is my opinion of myself. I am more than any title/degree that I may or may not hold. I have a place in this universe, I have a purpose. I will stop looking at myself contained within this narrow cube that "society" wants to put me in and start looking "outside the box" to what my existence means on a much larger scale.
More to come soon...

Not Focused

This is why people go to college right after high school - BEFORE marriage, kids, and everything else! I'm supposed to be working on a paper that is 3 hours late and I am so not focused. I feel like I'm sinking. I have one semester left before finally completing my Associate's Degree, but I really don't know how I will make it through that! I'm pretty sure I am changing my major, but again, I don't know what I want to do next.
I'm really starting to feel, after 15 years of intermittently trying, that college may not be for me. I would feel so silly giving up after this, though. I think I actually want to become a teacher and I know I have to go a lot further in school for that. So much uncertainty right now. I'm working on increasing my discipline/self-control because I believe that's a large part of my issue. Do you have any idea how many posts I have saved as drafts for this blog? It's really ridiculous. I have started many posts about various topics that I want to discuss, but somehow didn't think I had the time to finish them. Mess. I have so much greatness in me. One of these days - soon - I will conquer all of these "inner demons" or whatever you want to call it, and I will truly be walking in the plan/purpose(s) that God has for my life.
I promise that!
For now, back to work/studying.